Fatherless Father

Dear Dr. Bill:

I am a young father who's only 25 years old. I grew up without a father, and now I have a wife and two kids. My daughter going on 2 and my son is only 2 months old. I have no idea what to do with them or my family. I never had anyone to teach me about family morals and things like that so I have no idea what to do. My kids don't want to be with me and my wife is nagging me all the time and telling me I'm not a man. What do I do to lead my family the way that God intended?

— Charles

Dear Charles:

I really appreciate your honesty. It's tough to grow up without a dad. Now that you're a father yourself, you're realizing how important it is to have that role model. The first thing I would encourage you to do is to find a mentor who can help you learn what it means to be a godly husband and father.

A great place to start is your church. Ask your pastor if he can help match you up with an older, mature Christian man in the congregation who would be willing to give you some guidance. If you go to a larger church, they may even have a good men's group that disciples men and helps them to develop into the kind of husbands and fathers that God wants them to be. You can also find that type of mentoring through the Promise Keeper's mens ministry. You can find a local chapter by going to their website at promisekeepers.org.

If you're not studying the bible on a regular basis, I would challenge you to make that a priority in your life. You can find great advice on developing godly character in Chapter 5 of Galatians and Chapter 3 of Colossians. There you'll find that God wants us to develop character traits like compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and self- control.

In your e-mail you also mention that you are experiencing conflict in your marriage and that your kids don't want to be around you. I would strongly urge you to find a good Christian therapist in your area. Find someone who specializes in marriage and family counseling. Start by getting your marriage healthy, and then bring the kids into the process and work on your relationship with them. If you call our counseling dept. here at Focus on the Family we can refer you to a licensed Christian counselor in your area.

Finally, let me recommend two excellent books that we offer that will help you in role as a husband and a father. The first book is called Anchor Man: How a Father Can Anchor His Family in Christ for the Next 100 Years by Dr. Steve Farrar; the second is Capture Her Heart: Becoming the Godly Husband Your Wife Desires by Lysa TerKeurst.

Copyright © 2007, Focus on the Family.
All rights reserved. International copyright secured.