Mealtime Battles

Dear Dr. Bill:

Thank you for your valuable insights into family dynamics! Do you have any suggestions for encouraging a 5-year-old boy to eat without it becoming a huge issue?

— Kim

Dear Kim:

Judging from your question, it sounds like mealtime for your 5-year-old has already become a huge issue. My guess is that your son has developed some bad eating habits, and I hate to tell you this, but you probably helped him develop those habits.

Many parents give in to their child's finicky eating patterns when they are just toddlers. They let their child dictate what they will eat, how much they will eat, and when they will eat it. Now that your son is 5, he's had his way for several years and he's pretty much running the show.

It's time for you to regain your role as parent, and show your little guy who's boss. Your job is to provide him with a variety of healthy foods at predictable meal times, and his job is to eat them. If he decides he doesn't like what the rest of the family is eating and insists on something different, don't give in to him. Simply inform him that this is what the family is eating for dinner tonight, and there are no other options.

If your son decides he wants to go on a hunger strike, let him. Wrap up his dinner, put it in the fridge, and let him know that when he gets hungry you'll heat it up for him. Then you need to stick to your guns, no matter how much he whines and complains. Whatever you do, don't allow him to snack on anything else. Your son won't starve, trust me. The amazing thing about the stomach — eventually it contracts and sends strong signals to the brain that can't be ignored. At that point, even cold mashed potatoes look good.

By the way, feel free to offer your son a couple of choices at meantime. But these should be a choice between two healthy foods from the same food group. For example, you might say, "Bobby, tonight you have a choice of corn or peas as your vegetable; which one would you like?" If Bobby decides that neither of these vegetables meets with his approval, don't let him fill up on other dinner items. He may soon find that one lonely pork chop and a glass of milk doesn't quite fill him up, and maybe that sweet corn isn't so bad after all.

Remember, this plan won't work if you allow your son to snack between meals. And everyone in the family needs to work together; if dad or older sister gives in later in the evening, your 5-year-old has succeeded in defeating the family.

You can find more on making mealtime a more pleasant time in our book The Complete Book of Baby and Child Care. Look for it in our online Resource Center.

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