Attitude of Gratitude

Dear Dr. Bill:

I know the holidays are coming up and I'm really worried about my 5-year-old daughter. She recently had a birthday, and, as she unwrapped her gifts, she kept looking around. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was looking for the rest of her gifts! I was dumbfounded. Please help me understand how to deal with her selfish behavior! And how do I encourage a grateful heart?

— Candace

Dear Candace:

Given that your daughter is 5 years old, I wouldn't be too concerned about her comment. 5-year-olds are still learning concepts like unselfishness and gratitude. Unfortunately our materialistic, consumer-oriented culture doesn't help. Kids are conditioned to believe that they are entitled to everything they want, right now — and of course they should always get the biggest and best of everything.

One of the best ways to teach your daughter gratitude is by modeling a grateful attitude yourself. Remember to express thankfulness to God on a regular basis, even for the simple things like a roof over your head and food on the table. Also, model gratitude in your relationships with others. Make sure to express thankfulness to friends, relatives, and co-workers — and not only when they do something special for you. Let them know how much you appreciate them just for who they are. Express that kind of unconditional gratitude to your daughter as well.

Another way to help your daughter develop a grateful heart is by serving others who are less fortunate. Christmas time is a wonderful time to do this. Perhaps you could volunteer serving Christmas dinner at a local rescue mission this year. Visit shut-ins at a nursing home and sing carols or deliver Christmas cookies. Consider signing up to sponsor a poor child in a Third World country through World Vision or Compassion International. My wife and I sponsor a little girl in Indonesia through Compassion, and when our son gets a little older we hope to get him involved in sponsoring a second child.

By the way, you can find some wonderful lessons about thankfulness in the book A Parent's Guide to the Spiritual Growth of Children.

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