Am I Doing Enough As a Father?

Dear Dr. Bill:

I'm one of those really busy Dads that you occasionally talk about, and I appreciate your reminders to make my family more of a priority. I wonder if you can tell me something about a concept called "the father's blessing." I really try to do good by my kids, a 10-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy; I'm actively involved with them on the weekends and evenings, and even go to school meetings when I can. But how am I supposed to bless them? And is there something special I'm supposed to be doing as a father that's different from what my wife does as their mother?

— Mike

Dear Mike:

I commend you for taking an active role in the lives of your children. Your kids will greatly benefit from having an involved, committed father. The concept of "blessing" your children has its roots in the Old Testament when a father would impart the family's spiritual heritage to his children. In the New Testament, God the Father opens up heaven and blesses Jesus as His ministry begins.

Due to the significance of a father in a child's life, a formal, spoken blessing can communicate to the child their value and worth as a person. A blessing from a Dad can impart confidence, strength and spiritual boldness. You can learn more about the formal blessing ceremony in John Trent's wonderful book titled The Blessing.

Of course it's also important to bless our children on a daily basis. This means modeling Christ-like character in everything we do and say, being intentional about teaching our children about the faith, and praying for our kids regularly. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 tells us to fix God's words in our hearts and minds. We are commanded to teach them to our children, talking about them when we sit at home, when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up.

You also asked what you provide to your kids that is different from what your wife provides. Sociologist David Popenoe of Rutgers University has done extensive research on the different functions that mothers and fathers play in their children's lives.

His studies show that while fathers tend to stress competition, challenge, initiative and risk-taking, mothers stress emotional security and personal safety. When disciplining, mothers provide important flexibility and sympathy, while fathers provide predictability and consistency. That's why kids do best on every measure of well-being when they grow with both a mother and a father.

Keep up the good work!

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