My Young Teen Fears Bedtime

Dear Dr. Bill:

My 13-year-old daughter is fearful at bedtime. She's afraid of being the last one asleep because she believes if someone broke into our house, no one else would hear — despite the fact that all of our family's bedrooms are close together upstairs! I often pray with her at night, reminding her that we've always been safe, we live in a safe neighborhood and that her dad and I are here to take care of her. But this only seems to help minimally. I want her to have peace at night. How can we help her with her anxiety?

— Sue

Dear Sue:

When a child suddenly begins to express fears about something, you need to ask yourself what could be the cause of this anxiety. Has your family recently moved into a new home? Have there been other significant changes in your daughter's life? Could she be experiencing some kind of stress at school or with her peers? Sometimes kids who are under stress will express unusual fears that have nothing to do with the actual stressful event or situation.

I'd suggest that you continue to be as supportive as you can and try to figure out what may be behind her fears. Let her know that you love her and will protect her, and remind her that Jesus promises us that he will never leave us or forsake us, no matter what happens to us in this life. You might also have her memorize key scriptures and meditate on them when she feels afraid. For example, 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to "cast your anxiety upon the Lord, because he cares for you."

There is another possible cause for your daughter's fears that you may not have thought of. Do you allow her to watch violent TV shows or cable movies? If not, could she have been exposed to a frightening movie or DVD at a friend's home? So-called "slasher movies" are incredibly popular with teens and pre-teens these days. They love the adrenaline rush they get while watching them, but don't think twice about how the violent images could affect them emotionally or spiritually.

If you've been allowing her to view violent movies or TV shows, it's time to make some major changes in your media habits. If she saw a film that frightened her at a friend's home, you'll need to talk to her about what she witnessed and how it made her feel. Then assure her that it was fiction and that even though the images scared her, she is safe in your home.

If your daughter is generally fearful and obsesses about other things, then I'd suggest you consult with a child psychologist or psychiatrist. Your pediatrician should be able to provide you with a referral. You can also call Focus on the Family's counseling department, and we can give you a list of licensed Christian counselors in your area. To reach our counseling department, call (719) 531-3400 ext. 2700 weekdays from 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (MST).

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