Overloaded Single Parent

Dear Dr. Bill:

I need your help. I am a single parent with three children and a full-time job outside of our home. I'm also the director of our youth department at church and a part-time student. Our family is very busy and we really need help with our schedule — especially because my kids seem to be having a hard time at school. My 12-year-old is getting bad grades in literature and math, and is generally disorganized. Her 8-year-old brother is slow with his reading skills and is also struggling with math. I love my children dearly and want to help them, but I get so stressed out that I don't know where to start!

— Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth:

I can empathize with your situation. It's tough being a parent in today's world, and it's twice as hard being a single parent.

It's obvious that you care deeply about your kids and want the best for them in life. The first thing I would recommend is cutting back on your own commitments. A single mom who has a full-time job and is going to school part-time has enough on her plate. Although it may be difficult for you, I'd suggest that you let your pastor know that you will need to step down from the youth director position at the end of the school year.

I'm sure that you find that role fulfilling, and you may feel that there is no one else at your church who can handle the job. But right now, your kids and your physical and mental health should be your priority.

You may also need to cut back on your class schedule, at least for now. Take a break next semester and devote the extra time you have to working with your kids on their academic problems. Ask your children's principal about tutoring or educational remediation programs. If they don't offer any, consider looking into a commercial tutoring program like "Learning RX" or the Sylvan Learning Center.

By the way, from your description, I'm guessing you're a woman who is skilled in many different areas but may have difficulty saying "no." If that's the case, I'd suggest you pick up Mary Byers little book, How to Say No and Live to Tell About It. You can find out more about Mary and the book at her website, The No Queen.com.

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