My 4-Year-Old is Afraid to Sleep in the Dark

Dear Dr. Bill:

Our 4-year-old son is afraid to go to sleep in the dark. We already have an established bedtime routine of reading books, singing and praying. Then he goes to sleep in his bed.

But for weeks now, he's been getting up in the middle of night and moving to the hallway outside our door with his comforter, blanket and pillow. In the past, he wanted to come into our bedroom but we said "no" unless there was a thunderstorm. When I asked my son about the problem, he says he doesn't like going to sleep, sleep lasts too long and it's too dark. He has a night light in his room and there's another one in the hallway.

We've tried positive rewards whenever he stays all night in his bed, but his pattern is to stay there one night and then move back into the hallway. Do you have any suggestions about books or videos that might address his bedtime fears? We really don't know where to go from here.

— Carmen

Dear Carmen:

It's fairly common for young children to experience bedtime fears. Their little imaginations are developing like wildfire, and they don't have the ability to distinguish fantasy from reality. In their mind, there really IS a monster in the closet or under the bed.

My guess is that your son is simply going through a phase, and that he will outgrow it in time. His imagination may be running wild and he might have had some nightmares that scared him.

Another possibility is that he's reacting to some kind of stress in his environment. Ask yourself if there have been any recent changes in his life or events that have occurred that might be stressful to him. These could include things such as a loss of a friend or a pet, the arrival of a new baby sibling, or even marital conflict between you and your husband.

Ask your son if he's been feeling worried or scared about anything lately. You could even encourage him to draw some pictures of anything that's been bothering him. If nothing has changed in his world and he's simply going through a "scared of the dark" phase, here are a few other ideas you might try.

You mentioned he has a night light in his room, but make sure it doesn't cast any scary shadows on the wall. That occurred with our son, and we solved the problem by simply moving the night light to a different outlet. You could also pick out a stuffed animal that can be his special "bedtime buddy," providing him with comfort when you're not there. You might also buy an inexpensive CD player for his room and let him listen to some comforting lullabies or kids worship songs just before he falls asleep.

Most importantly, remind him that God loves him and that He promises us he will always be with us and take care of us. Continue to pray with him each night when you tuck him in, and teach him to pray simple prayers if he wakes up in the night, asking God to help him to not be afraid.

By the way, we recently aired a Focus on the Family broadcast dealing with the topic of children's fears. It featured Dr. Frank Minirth and Dr. Paul Warren. You can order a CD of our broadcast called "Children's Fears" by phoning us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

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