My Daughter's "Cute Baby" Phase

Dear Dr. Bill:

My husband and I have a very darling little girl who has the classic chubby cheeks, Shirley Temple curls, and a wonderful sweet personality to match. Ever since she was a baby, everyone in the family — grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. — have loved to dote on her. But now that she's 4-years-old, I'm wondering if she'll ever grow out of this "cute baby" phase. My daughter still loves being the center of attention and will "perform" on cue if given the opportunity. Is this normal, healthy behavior? What, if anything, should we be doing differently?

— Erica

Dear Erica:

Given what you've told me, it's no wonder your daughter will "perform on cue" for her relatives. After all, she's been receiving positive reinforcement for her performances since she was a toddler.

The danger is that she'll grow up to believe that her value is based on her cuteness and her performance, not on her character. The bible tells us that "man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." What matters to Him are a humble heart and a life that displays the "Fruit of the Spirit" — qualities such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

The good news is that you mention your daughter has a wonderful sweet personality, so it doesn't sound like the attention she's received has caused her to act spoiled or defiant.

I'd suggest you begin to work at praising her when she displays positive character traits, like kindness, honesty and compassion for others. You and your husband should be modeling these qualities for her and look for "teachable moments" to talk about why these characteristics are the things that God truly values.

In addition, look for opportunities to teach her how to serve others, whether that's helping to care for a neighbor's pet when they're on vacation, or donating some of her toys to a local homeless shelter.

Let me recommend a great new book on this topic that I believe every Christian parent should read. It's called The Danger of Raising Nice Kids by parenting coach Tim Smith. You can find it through most online booksellers.

Thanks for writing, Erica!

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