Teaching Young Children About Modesty

Dear Dr. Bill:

When our children are just babies or toddlers, I assume it's okay for my husband or I to shower with them and change our clothes in front of them. But at what age (of the child) should we stop doing that?

— Zana

Dear Zana:

This is a great question. Unfortunately there isn't a hard and fast rule for dealing with this issue.

Most pediatricians and child development experts agree that when a child begins to express a desire for privacy when naked or going to the bathroom, that's the time that parents should begin to express more personal modesty. This typically occurs around the age of three or four, but for some kids it may be later.

What's most important is that you begin to instill a healthy, biblical view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You should start when your kids are toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language.

For example, when a young child asks questions about where babies come from, answer their questions in a positive straightforward manner. You might say something like "God made a special way for mommies and daddies to have babies. He uses a tiny little seed from Daddy and a tiny little egg from Mommy. The seed and the egg come together inside Mommy's tummy, and then God does a miracle and makes a new baby." This kind of explanation is typically sufficient for most kids. You don't need to go into a detailed description of human physiology.

Most experts also recommend using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Cutesy names or code words can be confusing to a child, and can unintentionally lead to shame and embarrassment down the road, especially with other children.

Focus on the Family carries an excellent book that will guide you through the process of teaching your kids about sex. It's titled How to Talk to Your Kids About Sexuality and is co-authored by my colleague Linda Klepacki, a registered nurse and sexuality educator. You can learn more about the book when you call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

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