Preparing an 8-Year-Old Girl for Adolescence
Is it too early to talk to my 8-year-old daughter about puberty?
Dear Dr. Bill:
My 8-year-old daughter is showing a few of the early developmental signs of puberty, and she's been asking a lot of questions. I recently read Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. Dobson, and he recommends talking to kids about puberty and sex between the ages of 10 and 13. Should I have this discussion now, before my daughter fully enters puberty, or should I wait until she is closer to 10?
— Vicki
Dear Vicki:
Although 8 years old seems quite young for a girl to be showing developmental signs of puberty, the research shows that the onset of puberty for girls is occurring at a much younger age than it did a generation ago.
When Dr. Dobson wrote the curriculum for Preparing for Adolescence in the late 1970s, he suggested the 10-13-year-old window for an important reason. If we talk to our kids about the changes that occur in puberty too early, they won't show much of an interest or retain the information. On the other hand, if we wait too long, after a child has already entered puberty, they may be very self-conscious about the changes occurring in their body. In fact, many kids who are in the midst of puberty will feel embarrassed or ashamed to have that kind of discussion with their parents.
Due to the earlier onset of puberty, particularly in girls, many parents may want to "move up" that discussion to an earlier age. Given the fact that your daughter is showing early signs of sexual development and is asking a lot of questions, I'd encourage you to start talking about the issue now.
An excellent resource that will guide you through these discussions is the book How to Talk to Your Kids about Sexuality by my colleague Linda Klepacki and her co-author David Scherrer. The book is available from us here at Focus on the Family. You can call to request a copy at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).
By the way, Linda's perspective (and my own) is that we should start talking to kids about sexuality from an early age, of course always using age-appropriate language and concepts. In today's culture, it's vital that we help our kids develop an accurate, healthy view of sexuality (and God's beautiful design for sex) from the time they are toddlers. It's not adequate to simply have one "birds and the bees" talk with our kids during the pre-teen years.
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