Dispute Over Day Care

Dear Dr. Bill:

My husband and I have a dispute about putting our 2-year-old son in day care. He thinks this option is fine, but I disagree. Do you know of any research on this topic? And what options do we really have?

— Amanda

Dear Amanda:

The research on day care is mixed. Some experts believe that if children are placed in a high-quality day care center with well-trained workers, they will do just fine. In fact, they argue that kids from low-income homes often receive more intellectual stimulation in a high-quality day care setting, which may contribute to better academic achievement when they enter school.

However, other research has found that young children often suffer negative effects when they are separated from their mothers and placed in day care for many hours each week. Long-term studies show that kids who are placed in day care from an early age and for many hours each day are more likely to have behavioral problems when they enter kindergarten. These children are more likely to be disruptive in the classroom, aggressive with their peers and disrespectful toward adults.

Other research indicates that some children placed in day care have elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their bloodstream. Cortisol is the hormone that is present in the blood when human beings experience anxiety or fear. In fact, for some children the longer they are in day care each day, the higher their level of cortisol.

Focus on the Family believes that whenever possible, women with young children should make every effort to put their kids first and their career second. That being said, we understand that life circumstances don't always allow for women to stay at home with their kids. We understand the plight of both married moms and single moms who must work out of necessity, and we believe in supporting and encouraging them in their very difficult task.

You didn't mention why your husband wants to place your son in day care. I'm assuming it's because he wants you to go back to work in order to contribute to the family income. If that's the case, I would challenge him to examine his priorities. From your e-mail, it doesn't sound as if you are struggling financially. If his motivation for having you go back to work is simply to have a higher standard of living, buy a bigger home or own a nicer car, are those things really that important in the greater scheme of things?

Also, from a purely financial perspective, I would encourage your husband to "crunch the numbers." When you consider the high cost of quality day care, the increase in your tax bracket, and the extra money you will need to spend on gas, clothes and other work-related expenses, you may find that the increase in your household income will be minimal.

Amanda, whatever decision you make, I pray that you and your husband carefully weigh what is in the best interest of your son. You may want to wait to re-enter the workforce until your son enters school. Millions of women have chosen to pursue that option, which allows them to be home with their kids during the critical early years, yet still use their training and education to make a contribution in the workplace.

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