Young Son Entering Puberty
My 10-year-old boy shows signs of puberty, especially through a negative attitude. What do I do?
Dear Dr. Bill:
My 10-year-old son is showing signs of puberty and has become really unhappy about everything. He's always fighting with someone — my wife and I, his siblings, friends, teachers — you name it. He went from a generally happy kid who used to laugh all the time to a miserable little boy. What do you suggest we do about it?
— Rick
Dear Rick:
When a child enters puberty, the physical, emotional and relational changes can be stressful — not only for the boy or girl, but for their entire family. Also, because your son is entering puberty fairly early for a male, this can make the changes even more challenging.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, boys start puberty anywhere from 10-14 years of age, with most completing the process of physical maturity by 15 to 16. Boys who start the process very early may feel a sense of shame or embarrassment, as their bodies are showing obvious signs of adulthood while all of their peers still look like 10-year-old boys. Those who enter puberty late in the game also face adjustment issues, but from the opposite end of the spectrum. For these kids, all of their friends have begun to look like young men, but their bodies are still immature. These boys can begin to dread going to P.E. class and the boys' locker room.
You can help your son through this adjustment process in two ways. First, provide him with plenty of medically accurate information so that he will understand what is happening with his body and that this time of change is only temporary.
Keep the lines of communication open, let him know that you went through the same thing when you were a boy. Assure him that even though he may feel like he's going crazy, he's not!
Secondly, provide him with plenty of love, support, and encouragement during this time. Extend an extra measure of grace to him as he experiences emotional ups and downs, and give him space when he needs it. At the same time, let him know what the boundaries are, and that you won't tolerate aggressive, destructive or disrespectful behavior in your home.
My friend Dr. Walt Larimore has written an excellent book on this topic that I know you'll find helpful. It's called God's Design for the Highly Healthy Teen, and you can order it online at www.drwalt.com.
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