A Teen Seeking Dating Advice

Dear Dr. Bill:

I'm a mature 17-year-old and a senior in high school. I've recently begun dating a good friend that I've known for 2 years. My parents know I like her and that we're spending time together, but I feel sad that they won't take our relationship seriously. All they seem to care about is drawing strict lines around my behavior — which I'm trying to follow — but they're not really giving me clear leadership in how to build a strong and healthy relationship with my girlfriend. I've been praying and doing what the Bible says about purity, but I'm wondering if you have any advice about dating and where this relationship might go in the future?

— Benjamin

Dear Benjamin:

First of all, I want to commend you for your mature attitude about dating and your desire to pursue sexual purity. I know how difficult it is for a teenager to remain committed to God's standard for sexuality in today's world. Far too many Christian teens are compromising in this area, and the physical, relational and spiritual consequences can be devastating.

It's unfortunate that your parents aren't giving you sound guidance on how to have a successful, godly relationship with your girlfriend. It's likely that they are simply scared about today's teen culture and are worried that you will make bad choices. It's also possible that they feel uncomfortable talking to you about sexuality and relationships, or that they're having a hard time accepting the fact that you are approaching young adulthood.

My suggestion would be to schedule a time to sit down with your parents and have a heart-to-heart talk. Approach them in love, and try not to get defensive or make accusations. Reassure them that you and your girlfriend are committed to sexual abstinence and that you are taking steps not to put yourselves in situations where temptation might get the best of you. Remind them that you are almost a legal adult, and that you long for their advice and guidance about sex, relationships and marriage.

If your parents are still unwilling or unable to discuss these critical issues with you, then I would seek counsel from your pastor or youth pastor. Let them know that you went to your parents first, but that you aren't making any headway. The pastor may even offer to talk to your parents on your behalf, or facilitate a meeting with them.

Also, let me recommend a book that you and your girlfriend can read together. It's titled Pure Excitement: A Godly Look at Sex, Love and Dating. The author is teen expert Joe White, and I know you'll find this resource helpful. You can order the book in our online Resource Center.

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