My Daughter is Pregnant Out of Wedlock
Our unmarried daughter is pregnant. How should we respond?
Dear Dr. Bill:
Our 23-year-old unmarried daughter broke the news last night that she's pregnant. She's been dating her boyfriend for about 3 months. Both claim to be Christians, and although we raised all of our children in the church, our daughter has not been faithful in attending. My wife and I love her very much, but we are brokenhearted over what's happened. How do we work through our feelings, first of all, and then decide how we can help her in the days ahead?
— Tommy
Dear Tommy:
I'm sure you're experiencing a mix of emotions right now. On the one hand, you want to support your daughter during this very critical time. On the other, you and your wife are very disappointed that she has been sexually involved with her boyfriend, resulting in this unplanned pregnancy.
Given the situation, I would encourage you to avoid the temptation to "preach" to your daughter about her mistake. Instead, let her know that you are saddened by her actions, because you believe strongly in God's design for sexuality and relationships. At the same time, let her know that you will do everything in your power to assist her with her pregnancy and to make the right choices moving forward.
Encourage her to "choose life" and carry the baby to term. If she is considering abortion, ask her if she will consider visiting a pregnancy resource center and having a free ultrasound procedure. Offer to accompany her to the center to offer emotional support.
You didn't mention if she and her boyfriend are planning to get married, but if you believe he is a man of good character who will provide for her and the baby, encourage them to consider that option. If marriage is not an option, help her decide if God would want her to raise the child as a single mom or pursue the equally loving option of adoption.
Our Sanctity of Life Department here at Focus on the Family has several resources that will be helpful to your family during this time. One is a book titled I'm Pregnant — Now What? by Ruth Graham and Dr. Sara Dormon. You can learn more about it by calling us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).
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