How Do I Talk to My Child About Sex?

Dear Dr. Bill:

My 10-year-old daughter is starting to hear the word "sex" from her friends. She knows babies are the result of sex, but she doesn't actually know what it is, so I figure it's time for "the talk." I don't want her to learn about this from her peers, but I'm concerned that if I tell her everything, her friends will be hearing it from her — and I don't want that either! I've heard that it's better to only answer specific questions from my child, but other parents say I should just tell her everything. This issue is much too important for me to mess up. So what advice do you give?

— Phyllis

Dear Phyllis:

In today's world, it's more critical than ever to be talking to our kids about sex from an early age. At 10 years old, your daughter should have a basic understanding of human sexuality, including how men and women's bodies function differently.

I don't know who told you that you should only "answer her questions," but in my opinion, that's poor advice. Your daughter may be close to entering puberty, and one of your jobs as a parent is to teach her about God's wonderful design for sexuality — and how His Word teaches that it is only to be expressed in a monogamous marital relationship.

Unfortunately, many Christian parents don't feel comfortable discussing sexuality, and they simply focus on the "don'ts" — don't have sex, don't get pregnant, don't contract a disease, etc. This does a grave disservice to their children, because it fails to provide them with a positive vision for what sexuality can and should be when we follow God's blueprint.

Focus on the Family offers an excellent book that will guide you through the process of teaching your daughter about sex. It's called How To Talk to Your Kids About Sexuality, co-authored by Linda Klepacki and David Scherrer. Linda and David have also written a companion book for middle-school students and their parents called Celebrating Changes. You can find out about both books by calling us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

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