Home Schooling Mistake

Dear Dr. Bill:

I am carrying a lot of guilt about a decision I made for my daughter last fall. She was starting 9th grade in high school, I convinced her to try home schooling because I felt inspired by radio programs I had heard and by the stories of other families who were doing it. I also believed that home schooling would work better for our family schedule.

However, our experience was a disaster because I was totally unprepared for the requirements involved, we faced numerous distractions and my daughter felt dumb and unmotivated to do the work. We ended up spending a lot of extra money for tutors and different curriculum, and she will start this next school year behind all of her classmates.

My guilt over this has been almost overwhelming, and I worry about my daughter failing her subjects, not being able to graduate on time and suffering from the results of this bad decision for years to come. What do you suggest we do about this horrible situation?

— Brenda

Dear Brenda:

Home schooling is a popular option among Christian parents, and many families who home school report fantastic results. However, it's important to remember that it isn't for everyone.

Before committing to home schooling, parents should carefully weigh all of the pros and cons in order to determine if it's the best option for each of their children. Also, the age of the child is an important factor. For example, when kids reach the high school years, some parents find it difficult to teach more complex subjects like chemistry, physics or advanced math courses.

I can tell from your e-mail that you are extremely distressed over the struggles your daughter has had this year. But beating yourself up with shame and guilt isn't going to help your daughter get back on track.

You need to know that although it is going to take some effort to catch up with her peers, your mistakes haven't permanently damaged your daughter's educational experience.

Since it sounds like you've made the decision to place her in public school again next fall, make an appointment with the school's principal, describe the challenges your daughter has had, and ask the principal for advice on how to "get her up to speed" for 10th grade.

The principal might recommend that your daughter be assessed to determine what kind of academic remediation she will need to do in order to prepare for next year. She might even be able to recommend some good tutors from the district who can help your daughter get up to speed in the subjects she's behind in.

Then your daughter will need to buckle down this summer and make academics her number one priority. That may mean putting sports and other activities on hold, and perhaps even postponing a family vacation. Do whatever it takes to help your daughter get back to grade level, so that she can begin her sophomore year with confidence.

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