Correcting a Child's Disrespectful Attitude
I allowed my son to develop a disrespectful attitude. How do I correct my mistake?
Dear Dr. Bill:
I became a single parent when my son was 18 months old. Five years later, I remarried, and my new husband is a wonderful man and father.
But we're experiencing a problem with my son who has learned to be disrespectful to all adults. The fault is all mine because during those 5 years I felt guilty about the divorce and had a laissez-faire approach to parenting. I have always verbally corrected my son for his disrespect, but I've only followed through on consequences about half the time.
Our entire family is Christian now and we'd like to live out biblical principles in our home, but I don't know where to start to correct this problem with my son. What do you suggest we do?
— Renee
Dear Renee:
You aren't the first single mom who has struggled with child discipline issues, and you won't be the last. Single parents have a doubly-tough job when it comes to parenting. Not only do they not have a partner to back them up, they also don't have a spouse to turn to for emotional support when the going gets tough.
I'll be honest with you — because you've been inconsistent with disciplining your son for the past five years, it's not going to be easy to teach him to be respectful or to change some of his negative behaviors. Now that you've remarried, you'll be dealing with the added complication of a step-family situation, and your son won't respond well when your husband attempts to discipline him.
You mentioned the word "consequences" in your e-mail, and when it comes to parenting a young child, consequences are your friend. You and your husband need to get on the same page and agree to start implementing consequences with your son immediately and consistently.
You should use positive consequences to reward him for positive behavior and negative consequences to punish his negative behaviors. You can learn more about the effective use of consequences by reading Dr. James Dobson's book The New Dare to Discipline. Since you're now living in a step-family arrangement, you and your husband would also benefit from reading The Smart Step-Family by family therapist Ron Deal. Both books are available by calling Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).
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