Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents
I grew up with an alcoholic parent. Can you suggest resources for recovery?
Dear Dr. Bill:
I heard you on the radio talking about some of the personality traits of people who grew up with an alcoholic parent. I grew up in a home like that, and I wonder sometimes if some of the challenges I face today are related to my upbringing. Can you talk about that topic again, and then direct me to some resources where I can get some help?
— Misty
Dear Misty:
Many children with alcoholic parents grow up having difficulty with expressing their feelings. These individuals tend to "stuff" feelings of anger or sadness. They may have an over-developed sense of responsibility, mainly because they had to take care of a drunk parent when they were young, or emotionally care for their other parent who was married to the alcoholic.
Some adult children of alcoholics may have difficulty relating to authority figures, and may become "people pleasers" — unable to stand up for themselves even when they are being taken advantage of. They may be terribly afraid of abandonment and will do anything it takes to hold on to a relationship, even when they are being abused.
Adult children of alcoholics may end up marrying an alcoholic or becoming an alcoholic themselves. And, even if they don't drink, they may have an extreme "Type A" personality and display workaholic tendencies.
Of course none of these characteristics fits every person who grows up in an alcoholic home. Every individual and situation is unique, but the good news is there is help. Many larger churches offer support and recovery groups for adult children of alcoholics. There is also a national organization called Adult Children of Alcoholics that sponsors 12-step groups in most communities. You can learn more about it by visiting their Web site, www.adultchildren.org.
Focus on the Family also has a series of broadcast CDs on this topic featuring a panel of experts. You can learn more about these CDs by calling us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).
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