Twenty Steps to Standing Up for Your Child

1. Ask for copies of records, tests, and evaluations that affect you child.
2. Ask the caregiver or service provider what areas of concern he or she sees.
3. Ask whether the institution (school, clinic, league, etc.) has programs that help children with similar needs. Or will your child have to go to another site?
4. If this is a school matter, ask for a copy of your child's cumulative record (the file kept on him or her at the school).
5. Ask the caregiver or service provider what chronic behaviors seem to get in the way of your child's success.
6. Ask specific questions. If your child is having difficulty completing homework, for instance, ask how it can be changed so that he can complete it.
7. Ask about options. Can your child record answers on tape? Can she get extra time to make it from one class to another? Can he sit at a table reserved for those with peanut allergies?
8. Ask whether there are other parents in the hospital, school district, or recreation program who have children with similar challenges; request their contact information.
9. When you ask about what accommodations can or should be made for your child, do so in a respectful manner.
10. Follow the chain of command when you make requests.
11. Frame questions in a way that invites help, not defensiveness. Ask, "What can we do to help Johnny stay focused in your class?" instead of, "Don't you think if you made your lessons more interesting Johnny would pay attention?"
12. Ask questions for clarification. Say, "Do you mean that you want me to check Jane's homework nightly, or that you want me to just sign off on it?"
13. Offer help, but ask first whether it will be accepted. Say, "I'm here to support you; is it acceptable to you if I check in with you weekly for a progress report?"
14. To avoid being rushed into making a bad decision, ask, "Is this solution time-sensitive, or am I permitted to take a while to think about it?"
15. Consult others for second opinions and wise counsel. Ask, "What has your experience been with this surgery?" or, "Is there another solution you know about that hasn't been offered to us?"
16. Exhaust other options before "going to war" for your child. Ask, "Is there anything within the law that can help my child with this problem?"
17. If you think negotiations are on the brink of a breakdown, ask, "What can we do at this point to avoid invoking 'due process'?" Ask with sincerity and willingness to try another avenue.
18. Find out about other parents who share your concern and ask them about their experiences.
19. If an institution can't give you names of other parents, ask, "May I post my contact information on the office bulletin board?"
20. Ask other parents if they know about organizations that advocate for your child's particular needs — and join them.

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Excerpted from Standing Up for Your Child Without Stepping on Toes. Copyright © 2007 by Vicki Caruana. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior consent of the publisher.

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You can order a copy of Standing Up for Your Child Without Stepping on Toes here.