Do You Wear a Mask?
An excerpt from Julianna Slattery's book Beyond the Masquerade.
Where do you fit in? How have you crafted your life into an identity? Are you a perfectionist, a peacemaker, a know-it-all, a socialite, a beauty queen, an introvert or a helpless victim? Do you realize how powerfully your struggle for acceptance and meaning defines you? Your days are packed with work, relationships, duties and leisure. But to what end?
"But wait," you may be thinking. "Maybe what you're talking about is just my personality. How do I know if I'm wearing a mask or if I'm just being myself?"
Heather was always eager to volunteer for projects at church and her children's school. Although her husband sometimes complained that the family was overcommitted, Heather genuinely believed that her service was an expression of her personality rather than a mask. However, as she delved deeper into the issue of self-esteem, she began to realize that being available and helpful were primarily her way of gaining attention and friendship. Her insecurities faded into the background as others applauded her servant heart.
After praying about this for a couple of weeks, heather decided to "fast" from volunteering for six months. She was amazed at how difficult it was to say "no" and let other people down. She began to feel useless and doubted her worth in the body of Christ. She wondered if people would still appreciate and value her as a person rather than as someone who could be trusted to complete a task. In the absence of busyness, she discovered how threatening it felt to call a friend just to have coffee with her. Without a mutual project to work on, what would they talk about? How much of herself would she have to reveal?
Like Heather's, your mask likely emanates from your personality traits, strengths and past experiences. God created you with a unique temperament and approach to the world. Don't confuse that uniqueness with your mask, although they may appear to overlap. A genuine characteristic becomes a mask when you use it to hide or protect yourself rather than to express the real you. Authenticity displays who you truly are while masks manipulate that truth, presenting a more favorable or guarded image.
Your mask is the established patter for how you interact with the world. It filters how you see yourself, understand others and solve problems. Most likely, this coping style is productive, and even helpful, in many life circumstances. However, the protection your mask provides comes with a steep price — one you may not even know you're paying!
"But wait," you may be thinking. "Maybe what you're talking about is just my personality. How do I know if I'm wearing a mask or if I'm just being myself?"
Heather was always eager to volunteer for projects at church and her children's school. Although her husband sometimes complained that the family was overcommitted, Heather genuinely believed that her service was an expression of her personality rather than a mask. However, as she delved deeper into the issue of self-esteem, she began to realize that being available and helpful were primarily her way of gaining attention and friendship. Her insecurities faded into the background as others applauded her servant heart.
After praying about this for a couple of weeks, heather decided to "fast" from volunteering for six months. She was amazed at how difficult it was to say "no" and let other people down. She began to feel useless and doubted her worth in the body of Christ. She wondered if people would still appreciate and value her as a person rather than as someone who could be trusted to complete a task. In the absence of busyness, she discovered how threatening it felt to call a friend just to have coffee with her. Without a mutual project to work on, what would they talk about? How much of herself would she have to reveal?
Like Heather's, your mask likely emanates from your personality traits, strengths and past experiences. God created you with a unique temperament and approach to the world. Don't confuse that uniqueness with your mask, although they may appear to overlap. A genuine characteristic becomes a mask when you use it to hide or protect yourself rather than to express the real you. Authenticity displays who you truly are while masks manipulate that truth, presenting a more favorable or guarded image.
Your mask is the established patter for how you interact with the world. It filters how you see yourself, understand others and solve problems. Most likely, this coping style is productive, and even helpful, in many life circumstances. However, the protection your mask provides comes with a steep price — one you may not even know you're paying!
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Excerpted from Beyond the Masquerade. Copyright © 2007 by Julianna Slattery. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.
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You can order a copy of Beyond the Masquerade by clicking on the cover.