Single Women & Marriage
Dr. Slattery looks at the struggles single women face when it comes to marriage.
I hope you have the chance to review the entire conversation I recorded this month with Candice Watters and Lisa Anderson on this subject of singleness and marriage. During our interview, Candice and Lisa brought up some important points about being "marriage-minded" as a single woman. But I am also aware of many young women who are trying hard to be less "marriage-minded." Their desks are full of bride magazines and their heads are full of visions of "Prince Charming," yet they long to truly be content in their single season of life.
The prominence of marriage on a young woman's mind is a very polarizing topic. While some young women fantasize about marriage meeting all of their needs, others are deathly afraid to even want to be married — convinced that even hoping for marriage is a recipe for a broken heart. Yet neither longing for marriage nor dreading it seems to be the biblical response to the problem.
There are many myths both from the culture and from the church that have fueled this confusion. Here are a few of them:
- I am not an adult until I am married.
- I cannot contribute as much to the church body as a single person.
- If I don't marry the right person, marriage will destroy my life.
- Finding marriage equals finding happiness.
- God has one person in mind for you. Your job is to find him.
- Marriage will complete me.
- I have to wait until I am "complete" to marry (or live life a little first).
- Once I am married, I will be content.
One of the primary purposes of marriage is to teach us about love: God's love for us and how to live that love out with another person. Marriage is designed to mirror an undying commitment and sacrifice in a human relationship. In a different way, God can also use singleness to challenge our devotion and character.
Bottom line: The ultimate goal as a Christ-follower is to become like Jesus. Both marriage and singleness provide unique opportunities for this to happen. Paul encouraged the Corinthian church to focus on fully honoring God in whatever state they found themselves in — single or married.
John Steinbeck wrote, "Marriage is a fortress besieged. Outsiders want to get in. Insiders want to get out." Marriage is neither the savior nor saboteur of life, but a vehicle — like singleness — through which God tests and refines His children.
If you'd like to do some further investigation on this topic, I recommend you review the following:
- Carolyn McCulley's book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred
- Jennifer Marshall's book The Now and the Not Yet
- Jerusha Clark's book When I Get Married